Thursday, October 9, 2008

Oh, You Poor Idiot Cubs Fans

My Dad sent me the above video this morning and even though it is only remotely related to baseball, I found the punch line funny enough to post it here anyway. It seems the Cubs are the butt of a lot of jokes these days. Apparently that's what happens when you choke away a National League best record in three quick playoff games, thereby extending your World Series drought to a nice and shiny 100 years. What a pity! Couldn't happen to a bigger bunch of douchenozzles.

Anyhow, as you can imagine, it's awfully quiet on the streets of Chicago this week. With both the Cubs and White Sox getting brutally eliminated from the playoffs, no one around here is particularly interested in talking about baseball. Which is really too bad, as I have SO MUCH TO SAY! I'm finding it rather difficult to control myself, if I'm being honest. Watching the Cubs get swept out of the playoffs was so much fun, it is quickly becoming one of my favorite hobbies. And that joy is nearly impossible to bottle up, my friends! It's a damn shame that I don't have more people to share it with. In any case, I suppose the important thing is that at long last, this national nightmare is OVER. There will be no more obnoxious Cubs fans yapping in my ear about how "this is the year" and how "it's gonna happen". Clearly, my friends, you've been mistaken. You must have forgotten which team you were cheering for.

Friday, October 3, 2008

Two Down, One To Go

I'm trying really hard not to get ahead of myself here, but the last couple of days have been awfully satisfying. A text message from my father this morning said, "Is it bad to enjoy others misery?" And while I know the politically correct and morally obvious answer, I just can't get rid of this completely giddy feeling in my stomach. As nervous as I've been the past two days, you'd think it were the Cardinals in the playoffs. Although in all actuality, this has been much more fun. I mean, I REMEMBER being in the playoffs. It is, for the most part, a completely miserable and unenjoyable experience. In 2006, I didn't sleep for three weeks. My dreams were haunted by David Eckstein, Jeff Weaver and Yadier Molina. It was heinous and awful and utterly gut wrenching. I felt nauseous ALL THE TIME. It's almost cruel that eight different fan bases have to go through this every year. That being said, after this long and excruciating summer of hearing everyone in Chicago holler about this "team of destiny", I can't help but feel vindicated that the Cubs lie on the precipice of elimination. Again, no one needs to tell me how evil I am or how terrible it is that I feel this way. I'm completely aware of how selfish and wrong it may be. Yet, here I am. A temporary Dodgers fan. What a whirlwind!

The strangest part of the past 48 hours has not been how I've served as a target for angry and disgruntled Cubs fans, because that makes some kind of sense. (For example, one of my friends called me in a drunken stupor on Wednesday night accusing me of using a Ryan Dempster voodoo doll.) No, the weird part is how some of them have sought me out as a theoretical sympathetic soul. This, I cannot understand. Why anyone would turn to me for comfort in this situation, I have no idea. My ability to remain neutral was lost YEARS ago. I mean, I think I've made my pure and unadulterated distaste quite clear. Yet, here I am. A temporary Cubs fan therapist. Who ever woulda thunk it? Granted, I'm not very good at it and end up offending someone far more frequently than I end up helping them, but still. Some of these wackos actually give me enough credit as a PERSON to commiserate with their misfortune! Huh. Sports fandom sure is funny sometimes.