Sunday, March 30, 2008

Let's Play Catch...Up

It's been over six months now since my last post, so I figured it might do me some good to work off a little rust before Opening Day and comment on some of the significant happenings of the fall and winter months. It's never to early to tune up the sarcasm and cynicism! God knows, I'm going to need a lot of that (and vodka) to get through the 2008 season.

1. For starters, the Cardinals of St. Louis bid farewell to 2006 World Series MVP David Eckstein. I knew this was coming, but it still made me a little sad if for no other reason then he was my Mom's favorite Cardinal player. (He reminds her of her grandson. Awwwww!!!!)

2. So Taguchi hit the road. He also has special familial significance because it was a foul ball off of his bat last summer that permanently disfigured my sister's back. She and I even have T-shirts commemorating the event because we're JUST that cool.

3. Aaron Miles also left. And came back. So...yeah. There's that.

4. Jimmy Edmonds went home to Southern Cal to finish out the last year of his career. I am personally hoping to get my annual St. Louis trip planned around his trip back to Busch Stadium in June. I imagine he'll get one hell of an ovation.

5. We acquired two former Scrubbies in the form of Cesar Izturis and Matt Clement. Oh boy, here we go. I somehow don't see this ending well for me.

6. The Mitchell Report implicated former Cardinals Fernando Vina and Gary Bennet along with current players Ryan Franklin and Rick Ankiel. If you haven't already read enough about this damn report, I urge you to seek therapy. Immediately.

7. The City of Chicago approved a request to renovate Wrigley Field, adding additional seating and signage. Thank god. There weren't nearly enough assholes at those games as it was.

8. Roger Clemens lied about stuff and got mad at Andy Pettite. Again, if you haven't seen enough coverage of this, you need help. Or perhaps someone capable of throwing you down a flight of stairs.

9. Chicago Cubs signed some Japanese player with a name that is borderline pornographic. I truly have no idea how it is properly pronounced, but I promise you, I will enjoy saying it incorrectly ALL SUMMER LONG.

10. Scottie Rolen was traded to Toronto. You know, I'm really going to miss that Limp Bizkit tune.

11. Mark Prior bolts Chicago for San Diego. Hopefully he didn't break a nail on his way there.

12. Kip Wells disappears from the St. Louis roster and interestingly enough, I feel no sadness or gaping empty void in my soul. I know, isn't it SHOCKING?

Anyhow, I'm looking forward to the new season and seeing how well our young little team will fare. (Editors note: Probably not very.) I'll more than likely want to rip off my own arm and beat myself to death with it by June, but what's spring good for without a little unjustified optimism?